lirik lagu the news with valarie – deepmaniac80
valarie: so… you’ve captured me and lee just so you can find out which one of us he loves?
jervis: yes, something like that
valerie: why don’t you just ask him?
jervis: two reasons. one, because he would probably lie if i did that. two, because i’m going to k!ll the one he loves
valerie: but if you tell him that he’ll lie to you?
jervis: but he might not, because… oh, forget. just go and do whatever you usually do when you’re being held captive by a madman in a top hat
valerie: what i usually do wherever i am is either interview people or…
jervis: or?
valerie: read the news
jervis: ah, perfect! here, have some news. read it out
valerie: i read the exciting news… newspapers always have the boring news…
jervis: then make it exciting!
valerie: how?
jervis: i don’t know! sing it or something!
valerie: but…
jervis: valerie. you’re going to sing the news
valerie: -gulp-
…
jervis: and now it’s time for the news with valarie, the part of the show where valerie comes out and reads the news
valerie: uh… hi everyone! i’m gonna read out the news. i’ll start… with the weather report?
jervis: go on
valerie: all sunshine on thursday!
no rain in the way
said all sunshine on thursday!
no rain on the way
mm-mm
more sales of ice cream!
oh, happy, happy, happy, happy day
we eat up that ice cream!
it goes on our face
that’s right, right on our face
said we eat up that ice cream!
it goes on our face
sometimes on the table!
oh, happy sticky, happy sticky, happy happy, sticky happy place
jervis: hey! what are you doing?
valerie: i’m reading the news!
jervis: but, valerie, none of what you’re saying is sad
valerie: well i don’t like sad
jervis: well then, you’ve got no business reading the news! here, let me help you out. take this
valerie: oh! another newspaper! thanks!
jervis: now read the front page head lines
valerie: england got icey
it got freezing cold
england got icey
it got extremely icey
jervis: right! now you’re getting it!
valerie: but that’s still not sad!
we’ll just put on a… raincoat!
jervis: no, no, no, no! you almost had it! come on, like this
england got really icey!
it got extremely icey!
got snowy and icey!
can’t be stopped by one raincoat!
whew!
now try it again
valerie: … raincoats when it’s icey:
don’t make it go away
raincoats when it’s icey:
don’t make it go away
but that don’t bother me none!
’cause they can keep you… toasty!
jervis: wha? toasty? you can’t say toasty in the news! it’s so pedestrian!
valerie: well what about… cosy? ’cause they keep me cosy
jervis: oh, no. that’s really pedestrian too!
valerie: but… oh nevermind, just forget it. forgetting it will make me happy
jervis: sorry, valerie. you’re way too happy to read the news
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