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lirik lagu hellfire brings no light – iris bilinsky

[verse 1]
we woke up late and raced to the post office
and you dropped off all your packages
and then we rode around a while
and saw the fog upon the river like a blanket

you pulled up to the side and then we walked down to the bank
and [?] around
we were swallowed up as we could feel our legs begin to [?] on wet air

i am a tight knit quilt
of all of my past mistakes
i am a pastiche of guilt
put me in my rightful place

staring at the mirror in the corner of the bathroom in the blueish night
drawing little faces in the condensation of my [?] that sting my eyes
there we’ll see through my [?]

[verse 2]
i’m a tangled collection of thoughts
i am perpetually disoriented
i am strung together so loosely
i’m held together by such dumb ideals

and i am just my thoughts
i am just my thoughts
[verse 3]
oh, i scare myself
the fact that i want to be
known about more than
known by everyone around me

’cause i feel so replaceable
i feel like so much nothing
i’m scared of meaningless
so i always say too much

[verse 4]
and i lose my place
and i gasp for air

there is a weight in my chest
i breathe around it
someone must play the adult
on the sitcom that’s meant for children, and

roger ebert still reviews movies or something, oh
life will trickle by, we’ll breathe around them
or scream around them
he screams when i say sorry
and i say sorry very softly
he says, “i am a tight knit quilt
of all of my past mistake
i am a pastiche of guilt
i am in my rightful place”

[voice recording]
even if i am lit, burned up, and discarded
tossed away like a used match
i will still keep going
because there is someone out there
who’s going to need a light

[verse 5]
he splits into shards
to amplify his noise
secrets, softly, and no one knows
he blocks the light from the windows

i am running from [?]
that has [?]
[?] moving on
and i cannot find it

but i made that [?]
and i walked past every cemetery
and [?] beside me
[?] re*contextualize
now, i see, i see
how previously
i was so naive
oh yes, i was lost there

[verse 6]
last night we rode in johnny’s car
then drew the blinds, but not that far
we could not see their eyes that far
across the street, and we grabbed my stuff
and though it wasn’t much, i felt like i was a thief
that [?] from me to me

[verse 7]
we know so d*mn well who came before us
because we see them on our coins
we will try to fit into some flattering ideal
ridiculously wrapped up for our parents to sell to us

we can’t understand others’ minds while they are alive
what makes us think that we can once they’ve died
we are pushing through the sisyphean pointlessness that we wade
we still have so much time for changing

no one was what they said they were
or what they did or left
they were once bodies
now they’re all the same

[verse 8]
let your ink never fade
from my skin
i want to be
buried in you

i’m a vessel that collects passing thoughts
consciousness is flowing through me
my thoughts are only
temporary

oh, i am not my thoughts
no, i am not my thoughts

i spent my whole life convincing myself that
i was other people and that my thoughts were theirs
that my thoughts were theirs
and my thoughts would represent me poorly and they’ll see
my [?] mistakes and that [?] they will hang my drawings up

- iris bilinsky

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