lirik lagu h8mysf – jay rain (rapper)
[intro]
“so when i come back around
try to make me stay
cause i don’t want to be
this other way”, i say
[verse 1]
what do i mean when i say these things?
let me paint you the scene of sins
see, i grew up in a broken home
like every other human soul
like every other i’d come to cope
with lots of trauma; with no hope
wit unknown cause i’d never talk so how could i know?
never been one to talk on the phone
never been one to not walk alone
so many walks out on my lone, uh
yeah, my home was loud
so many screams and sounds
thinking: “it’s over now”
seen sh*t that broke me down
see this is why i closed my mouth
cause when i talked, they drove me out, yeah
not one soul would come to know about that
see, i’d not allow that
didn’t wanna trouble other’s
with the lots of drama that was popping up, nah
so then i got ocd
got tics and sheesh, sh*t, now i see
how the silent me, it came to be
anxiety inside of me
now, i’ve been working on bettering myself
not be so closed off, been working on my mental health
it’s been working, sometimes i’ll tell
what my day was like
but still the traumatic side will sometimes arrive and
then i’m right back*right back*right back*right back to the silence
[chorus]
“so when i come back around
try to make me stay
cause i don’t want to be
this other way”, i say
but still i go right back
to being the silent brat
so that is why i can’t
help but hate myself, yeah*yeah
[break]
yeah*yeah, oh*oh
oh no*no*no*no*no*no
[verse 2]
yeah, see through these lyrics i talk a lot
but in real life i don’t talk at all
i feel like i’m gone a bit by bit everyday
cause i won’t say sh*t
my mouth’s zipped
i’m starting to lose my wit
i’m starting to lose my sh*t
i feel like i’m going crazy
therefore i’ve given up on having a baby
it’s hard for me to imagine myself with a lady
i’m too absorbed by my thoughts
all my opinions will always be a maybe
sh*t’d be like:
do i look fat in this dress? maybe
should i say no or yes? maybe
do you think i’m the best? maybe
wanna meet my parents? maybe
though it only happens with strangers
with my friends i don’t feel a stranger
with my parents, have to pretend
i can’t explain why
wish i could but i just can’t
i’m guessing the trauma but godd*mn
can’t be affected till i’m a man
and they’re gone in the grave
i f*cking hate myself for the way i behave
[chorus]
“so when i come back around
try to make me stay
cause i don’t want to be
this other way”, i say
but still i go right back
to being the silent brat
so that is why i can’t
help but hate myself, yeah*yeah
[outro]
yeah*yeah, oh*oh
oh no*no*no*no*no*no
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