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lirik lagu my final testament – khaos light

council: “calling the case of richard drake’s life, you may proceed”

chorus:
everyone wants to know why
hey why’d you try to die?

everyone wants to know why
hey why’d you try to die?

verse 1:
so i dont know where to start
i guess the questions why
why did i decide to try and die
saying it out loud makes me want to cry

im debating on how honest i wanna be
yup thats me
control and calculated
cynical and jaded
spent alot of time self hating

somewhere down the line
i guess i made up my mind
that my time on this earth
should be helping others
thats how i would find my worth

which would be n-ble
if it wasn’t my only goal
an hiding a very neglectful att-tude
to my own self view

became obsessive and reclusive
lost my optimism
my friend list became to dwindle
that’s when things began to spiral
negative consumed the positive
the dark consumed the light
i began contemplating what was even the point of this fight

these pains amplified at night

people tried to reach out
but i didn’t feel it
oh sh-t, what is this, my bodies reeling

these pains amplified at night

i made a plan to kiss the sky
and when i die
i don;t give a f-ck who attends

these pains amplified at night
and i don’t wanna fight

i’m exhausted
i’ve lost it
the will
man my mind is split

these pains amplified at night
and i don’t wanna fight

so i stopped

chorus:
everyone wants to know why
hey why’d you try to die?

everyone wants to know why
hey why’d you try to die?

verse 2:
but since then i’ve learned quite a lot
they say you can’t have true pleasure
unless you have pain as a reference
well i think thats bullsh-t

at least that what i used to think
but this past experience changed my brain
i’ve come to grips with my relationship with pain

see i need both sides
light and dark
to truly be apart
of humanity
used to be blind
now i can see

every mistep, every fallback
every single moment in my time
has been building me up to be
who i will be in my prime

i want another chance
i want to take stance

for love instead of hate
moving forward instead of wait

i know its corny
but i didn’t live
until i tried to die
not everyone should do it
but maybe some should give it a try?

thats a bad joke
im making jokes, because speaking this uncomfortable
its how you can tell its real
its how i truly feel

what more do you want from me?
i’m being as honest as i can
i demand you tell me whats my fate
i dont want stand at heavens gate

so what happen now?
now i’ve had this revelations

will you let me go back
am i deluded to think i could change a nation

or even myself
tell me right now, what is your game?

what is this whole point?
was there ever even a point?

final verse:

my life’s defined intertwined in melodies
similes poetry and rage
clean room
pen stained page
closet dirty don’t check under the bed
my head
a conflicted civil war
no end in store
nor reason to fight for
casualties epiphany course change
i relieve these
my chest
i beat like the rhythms i play
the confident cadence
in the words i say
my arms
weathered by toil
stripping the soil
with self inflictive vindictive intent
to dig until theres nothing left
my heart
my legs
attached to bleeding feet
holding the weight of expectation
placed on one self
potential felt like an invitation
to stay jaded until you’ve made it
but my eyes are open
words can be spoken
mind attached
spine and back
i now see, everything i think i lack has a purpose
and in this moment, i feel i am worth it

richard drake: h-llo, is anyone there. where am i?

- khaos light

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