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my saddest demon is my own - nick kopel lyrics

[verse 1]
switch back to boom bap
and i start to play cr*ps
throwing dice like i’m winning either way
a sinister grin
hopefully next time they learn to walk away
never do it under the streetlight
they slanging different sh*t
they alright
they doin what they have to
when rent due
whatever gets you through
i grew up knowing what i’d never be and i still follow it til this day
i found my way and i know i wouldn’t be celebrated so i found my way back
looking at me like i switched from heroine to crack
my back just hurts from carrying this weight
so many lifeless faces in its place when i look for what’s next
perplexed everyone is okay with this
they aren’t
they just probably got kids
and so they keep going
i’m knowing and growing that rapping gives me that luxury as a curse
that’s why i was open about me being suicidal in the first
i was ready for my head to burst and to know it would all go away
i knew i had to live atleast one more day
i pray tomorrow fixes all i need
still the st*rs*ed that bleed white light into the demons mouth just so they can taste what they missing
when in charge
no one dissing
i grew up in the mixing pot
boiling to the top and i was one of those that foamed over
little substance until i got colder and puddled with the rest
knew i wanted to be the best and evaporated
operated within my district until i grew out of it
air guides me outside
i join the cloud and die
born new
this a metaphor i hope can take you more than one listen to get through
it’s about how i didn’t have a choice and still do what i always do
that’s real sh*t and more than you
if you mad
fix it
stop b*tches
complaining
at least make a beat that can stop making me cave in to the desire to prove i’m not lying
i’m trying to keep my grip
slip when my palms too sweaty
sometimes i do just stare at that bouncing betty and say gg
stupid of me and i’d rather try a different angle
tangle with enlightenment further
stray away from life and realize i can retire from being the energy worker
ironically the second i leave it means nothing to me
as it’s infinite
pure bliss
it’s hard to give a sh*t
so take this spit
drink my p*ss
because it’s only way you can see why i’m golden
molten lava ain’t even as hot as me
magma flowing through my veins and i break my chains
release all the pain and i crawl out the inferno
get to the top and turn on turbo
struggle is a myth when the universe gives a kiss and guides the way
here’s to whatever i have to slay next to get my spot in freedom
i have my reason and every one else is getting kicked out for treason
my lesion bow beneath me
wondering if i should get them a kneeler or chairs
it might be a while that they have to care
can’t use a sword and have to wait for the h**rd to come to us
bus packed and we up
going to the club for sum
i ain’t dumb
get it from a groupie
snoopy ask if i got a ride to la
i tried flying coach on a plane
not enough money
guess i gotta be more of a dummy because it’s funny
if i show up and spend the time it gets there finding out how i can convince them what i don’t need to then i can steer through this bullsh*t
just cleaning the ranch
trying to grow a branch into a money tree
that’s what i was told it was so i water it daily
safely rapping outside
i already died when i tried harder each day and it still ain’t enough
i need a snuff and not enough time to call my bluff

- nick kopel lyrics

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