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lirik lagu theater 14 (clarity) – perry maysun

[part i: theater 14 (interlude)]

[interlude]
the lowest point at the top of a building
how’d you get here?
i don’t believe there’s a direct answer to that question
perhaps the mundane feeling of the very truth that 100 years from now
everyone will be gone, and the earth will move on
they say you may live forever as long as your name is spoken
you’re not breathing, of course
someone else is putting the letters together to form the name that once represented your pile of flesh and bones
from one to another, i guess
i’ve come to believe that the meaning of life is passion
but who the f*ck am i?
no one
i just have a mic, and some stupid problems i’ve been struggling with for some time
but you know, maybe we all are somebody
so don’t k!ll yourself, ‘cause you’re gonna die anyways
just let that sh*t happen naturally, and try to enjoy it while you here
don’t worry about it if you break, or any of that sh*t
‘cause everybody has a breaking point, and it’s kinda beautiful
elegant, if you will

[part ii: theater 14 (alt)]

[intro]
(the lowest point, at the top of the building)
this is it
(at the top of the building)
i’m done (at the top of the building)
i’m done
i’m not gonna call anybody
i don’t wanna make them upset (this is hudson blake)
this is where the story ends (hudson blake’s growth table)
goodbye (one second, please)
(he was eight*fourteen at birth, he’s three and a half weeks old now) (yeah)
(and now he weighs nine and a half pounds)
[interlude]
act one, the road to the roof

[verse 1]
put on my shoes, and ran to the spot
where i write all my songs, and i look at the sky
tonight’s a little different from the others
picking up my phone just to call all of my brothers
and tell ’em that i love ’em, tell ’em that i love ’em
i’m as valuable as wingstop and taking out the rubbage
i’m as valuable as nothing, walkin’ ’round with a smile undercover
walkin’ ’round with a smile undercover
ever since i been here, as long as i remember
i ain’t wanna be here, my soul felt tender
and my soul felt tender
and my soul felt tender
what am i supposed to do?
livin’ every day, just to hope for new emotions that will come into my brain to keep me hopeful too
i don’t know what to say now
the world i once knew has turned to emptiness and grey now
and everything i loved is what i hate now
i think that is a reflection of myself
don’t know what i’m doing
and i’m sorry though
’bouta jump off of this roof into a place that i hardly know
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
hopefully it’s better than my mind
[bridge]
this is the way down
this is the way down
this is the way down
this is the way down

[interlude]
act two, the way down

[verse 2]
on the way down, it feels so peaceful
no more runnin’ ’round in different places, not to feel blue
i’m happy ’cause i’ll see you, but regret a couple things
i’ll never see my music pan out, never have a wedding ring
never get that grammy, and tell my pops that i did it
and tell my mom that i’m winning
tell reese and sage appreciation for trusting all my decisions
for trusting all my decisions
never get to pay guapo back for lettin’ me stay on his couch
never get to thank capo for keeping me up, when down
never get to thank sachi, asmo, or rage and show ev, kyle, and zion that we did it, ’cause we ain’t, and i’m not here
oh, i’m not here, oh, i’m not here
oh, i’m not here, here
no, i’m not here, no, i’m not here
but i used to be, but i used to be
no, i’m not here, no, i’m not here
but i used to be, but i—
[interlude]
act three, the final act

[verse 3]
i love you mom, from hudson
i love you mom, and i’m sorry every time you press play on my music, you hear all of my pain, and you just wanna help, but i won’t let you
put your help on the shelf, and it just makes you feel like you’re useless, and it makes you feel like you’re not a mom
but you’re the best mom that anyone could ask for
you the best mom that anyone could ask for
but now i’m sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes, ’cause i don’t love myself right now, and i ain’t love myself then
so i take all of my pain, and i put it through this pen
and that’s why you hear them songs when you press play on my music
i’m ’bout to lose it
i’m ’bout to lose it, mom
i’m telling you i love you more than anything, so if i’m not here tomorrow, then i promise that i’ll—
—from the clouds of heaven
you’ll be here forever
and you would do anything for me and i appreciate it
but that doesn’t cover up the fact that i hate it
i hate it, the way that i look, i hate the way i—
i hate the way i feel everyday that i wake up
so i did it, and i’m speaking to you, from the clouds
and i’m loud
but i’m up here with grandpa and grandma beth
and i’m feeling good, and i—
and i see— i see your mom, and, and she’s— she’s a beautiful person
and– and– i knew she was, and i love you
and i’m sorry if i ever made you feel like you didn’t do enough, ’cause you did everything
you did everything, mom, i love you
but—
i’m sorry mama
i love you
i ain’t mean to hurt you
i did it all to tell you what i was going through, but every time you press play
you hear my pain, i don’t wanna be so negative
i want to be happy, but my mind won’t let me live
so i jumped, and i fell
but i’m good, wish me well, oh

[outro]
i would be lying if i said there weren’t points when i was five seconds away from making the last choice, to take my last breath, on this beautiful planet we call home
i still have nightmares about it
where i follow through on thoughts my past self would have considered right
but those days are behind me
it’s time for me to heal
no matter how hard it is
i will try with every breath in my body
i will try to heal
i will try to heal
i will try to heal, heal, heal

[part iii: mask]

[chorus]
if you fall then you might drown, drown, drown, drown
be honest with you, no*one’s around
just take off your mask
you’ll be thankful to your past
you’ll be thankful to your past
just take off that mask

[verse 1]
just take it off, jim carrey style
i have been aware for miles, i have been aware for miles
rubber skin, burning and rubbin’, done broke the shoe lace
who faced two names and two graves ’cause there was two shapes
i did that sh*t, but not a slit on my wrist
i cut the back of my knees, and was just the average kid
with plays blastin’ in my ears, the whole cast was a b*tch
within my head, shows over, bow, pack it, and dip

[bridge]
i don’t know who i am anymore
but it’s part of the journey
i want you to love me
all that i ever wanted is for you to love me (unconditionally)

[verse 2]
copin’ mechanisms, copin’ mechanisms
wrote this sh*t when i was down as f*ck and trapped inside a prison
but, i’m a falcon, they say birds fly in the sun, explode
twenty now, remember i was seven readin’ frog and toad
lost a hold of identity within the bottle here
other motherf*ckers cuttin’ corners tryna coddle xans
sayin’ “ayo, do you want another troublemakin’ pilly in that god forsaken room that’s not in mother nature?”
other vapors, cigarettes and breathlessness, we overdosin’
almost met the quota, but you punched him and he stopped convulsin’
realizin’ everything is copin’ mech’, from self harm to drugs and less
i jumped but i don’t really wanna break my neck

[instrumental bridge]

[outro]
hey, long time, no see
i— i see you’re still alive
that’s a good thing, right?
you know, like, when we first talked, i—
i decided not jump
so much happened since then and
i see you have these bags under you’re eyes and you look tired, you—
you look sad, but you’re still here though, i think that’s an accomplishment in it’s own way
it’s just like—
what did that one person tell me?
hold on, oh i remember
it was “holding on takes more strength than letting go”
and i know that’s kinda backwards ’cause i’ve heard it the other way around before
but, in this situation, they were probably right
this— the point of all this— the album, the music
it’s not to make anyone feel bad, to make them sad
the point of all this has been to— to just feel, you know?
i don’t— i don’t wanna make anyone feel uncomfortable, or make them feel bad for me
the point is that i know there’s someone out there just like me
that has a bunch of sh*t going on in their head
they probably though about trying to do the same thing i tried to do
it’s okay
it shouldn’t make them feel like less of a person for that
and i don’t know
the point of all this is, i guess
no matter how hard it gets, just live
and you’re probably gonna want to die again, yeah, for sure
but just keep living ’cause those little moments of joy
when you’re just painting or loving someone, or breathing, or watching the sun set, or sh*t like that
just makes you think, y’know?
going to the movies and sh*t like that
because the same place you tried to end your life could be the same place where you find your solace
so, thanks for being here, and everything
if you listened this far, i’m sure you relate to some degree, y’know
and all i can say is— all i’ve been doin’, y’know, just keep goin’
and, y’know, the same movie theater you tried to jump off of and k!ll yourself on top of could be the same movie theater you go to to find your peace, happiness, and solace
y’know what i mean?
figuratively speaking, obviously
not everyone’s gonna go the movies, but you know what i mean
i don’t know, but yeah

- perry maysun

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