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lirik lagu keith’s quest – seiriol davies

[keith, henry & band]
i’ll travel round the world
by which i mean britain
britain!
performing a one*man show
that i will have written
will have written!

[keith & henry]
laugh at henry, point at henry
take his stuff, evict him
now i know what i was born to be
i.e. a victim
it is now ten minutes from the end, it
is high time for me to be sended
on a mission to make things splendid (but will it get better for a happy ending?)

[keith, spoken]
my name is alexander keith, and this is… keith’s quest.

[keith, henry & band]
keith’s quest, keith’s quest
now is time to go on
keith’s quеst, keith’s quest
my heart’s pounding undеr
‘neath vest, ‘derneath vest
i need to stop and have a
rest
then carry on
keith’s quest
[keith, spoken]
i will go to all the places: wales, england, peterborough, scotland, the other one, and cornwall, and the north.

[henry & band]
keith’s quest!

[keith, spoken]
hey you there!

[band, spoken]
oh! y’areet pet?

[keith, spoken]
what comes into your mind when i say the name henry cyril paget?

[band, spoken]
oh, nothing at all, pet.

[keith, spoken]
right. okay. well let me tell you about him then.

[keith, henry & band]
keith’s quest!

[band, spoken]
oh! so will you buy us a drink then like pet?
[keith, spoken]
uh… yeah, sure why not, i guess.

[keith, henry & band]
keith’s quest, keith’s quest

[band]
will you buy us a drink?

[keith, henry & band]
i guess, i guess

[keith, henry & band]
this show’ll be areet pet, areet pet

[keith]
there’s some tickets left in neath, best

[keith, henry & band]
check with the box office

[henry]
henry’s journey
henry’s journey
being humble
learny, learny, learny
[keith & henry]
this is keith’s quest, keith’s quest (henry’s journey)
it’s an actor’s greatest test, greatest test (henry’s journey)
everybody is impressed, everybody is impressed (being humble)
by the way i move and talk, and (learny, learny, learny)
the way i do keith’s quest

[keith, henry & band]
keith’s quest, keith’s quest, keith’s quest

[keith, spoken]
and now in welsh!

[henry, spoken]
heidiwch, dewch, mynychwch, gymry’n gwlwm, ymddangosaf yn eich plith fel rhith.
dwi’n mynd i ddeud y gair “astronaut” rŵan am ddim rheswm.
na pharabler; ustiwch. canys fi…

[keith, spoken]
… di keith.

[keith, spoken & henry & band]
keith, keith
i am riding a horse!
keith, keith
i am driving a train!
keith, keith
i am a passenger in a hot air balloon or something, i don’t know.
keith, keith
i am checking into a hotel.
i’m tired!

[keith, henry & band]
this is keith’s quest, keith’s quest
this chorus is the briefest:
keith’s quest

[keith & band, henry]
i want to be a piston
riding from c*ckermouth to p*n*stone (what do people want?)
shooting from the gorbals, bang into h*rnsea
i will even visit swansea
this is what it looks like (bringing you the straight*up)
masculine truth

[band, spoken]
a village hall somewhere in britain.

[keith, spoken]
good evening didcot.

[band, spoken]
h*llo.

[keith, spoken]
h*llo crowd. friends, womans, countrymen, lend me some ears.

[band, spoken]
sound of that happening

[keith, spoken]
thank you. it is i, mr alexander keith, and i come to you tonight suspended on a hopeful limb
to tell you of he whom i have followed for between two and four years.
but i come not to praise henry cyril paget…

[band, spoken]
expectant intake

[keith, spoken]
but to super*ultra praise him.

[band, spoken]
spontaneous approval

[keith, spoken]
so this is it, the truth, the whole keith truth and nothing but the keith.

[band, spoken]
significant gasp! woman faints

[keith, spoken]
henry cyril paget, well *

[band, spoken]
yes?

[keith, spoken]
* he is a little bit funny, if you know what i mean.

[band, spoken]
urgh

[keith, spoken]
oh no. ha, i mean. well, you know… if you know what i mean.

[band, spoken]
in this time period we don’t really have the vocabulary.

[keith, spoken]
yes, but you do know what i mean.

[band, spoken]
widespread fainting

[keith, spoken]
no it’s not like that, he’s different!

[band, spoken]
he makes us feel very heteronormative.

[keith, spoken]
what?

[band, spoken]
it means good.

[keith, spoken]
he makes you feel good?

[band, spoken]
no, not being him makes us feel good.

[keith, spoken]
oh, but…

[band, spoken]
i blame a lax upbringing. and that european waltz music.

[keith, spoken]
no, no, it’s not * no you misunderstand! let me get my visual aid. there! you see.

[keith]
this is what he looks like

[band]
that is what he looks like?

[keith]
isn’t it *

[band, spoken]
appalling.

[keith, spoken]
appealing?

[band, spoken]
appalling.

[keith]
oh, f*ck.

[band, keith & henry]
look at him, look at him, look at him, look at him
look at him
look at him, the silly fool
decked out like some cray*cray bee
look at me!

look at him…
i literally cannot
process what my eyes see
look at me!

look at him…
that’s a man no british boy
would ever, ever want to be

look at him
look at that
like this?
look at him!
i am a narcissist!

look at me destroying this man who
gave me lots of money
narcissist!
look at him!
look at him, his stupid, dancing face
he is so funny, he goes:

[henry & band]
oh la de da de da

[kevin & band, spoken]
this is him!

[henry & band]
oh la de da de da

[henry]
m*wha

[band, spoken]
thank you for bringing us news of this monstrous woof.

[keith]
no!
what have i done?
what have i done?
what… have i done?

this is what it looks like
to be a judas*type character
such as agamemnon, edward snowden
or edmund from narnia!

[keith, henry & band]
quest failed!

- seiriol davies

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