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lirik lagu operation santa claus – thrice a chuckle

[intro]
you tell me it’s real, no reason not to believe you
‘til my neighbor gave her testament, i got a nauseous feel

[verse 1]
closing in on the holidays
face off with a girl from across the way
claiming fat men don’t come down chimneys
so explain toys under christmas trees

she said her parents do it, never told her it was magic
may be true, maybe dude just saw your house and he p-ssed it
he won’t leave presents when no room’s on the floor
she says they unwrap gifts on the night before

screw you, gracie i hold my ground
but when i’m alone, i let loose of my doubts
my mind’s crunching data
thinking back to every the christmas past, the

letters i wrote, cookies and milk by the fire
the items i circled on the toys r us fliers
somebody drank it, gave it, took it, wrapped it, vanished
this is madness

bunnies giving candy, fairies trading quarters for tooth
but i couldn’t read books about sorcery schools
and if god’s omnipresent
why’d he -ssign this guy to give presents?

i just don’t get it, i want the truth now
i don’t want opinions, traditions or word-of-mouth
if someone should prove it, i’m the one for the job
made a plan and i called it operation santa claus

[verse 2]
dusk of the eve, wearing brand new pjs
had this poker face on for 23 days
keep it double-blind cause apologia taught me
if n-body’s on to me, then n-body can stop me

no way you raid my house without making a sound
no sugar plum dreams cause i’m staking it out
my brothers sharing the room, not one clue what i’m up to
if they knew, it’d be crumbs for my macaroon

now there’s not a creature stirring in the house
but i’m certain that i’ll pounce at the occurrence of a sound
can’t let the threat of sleep get to me
so i’m in my bed and i’m wrestling

and i’m pinching my thigh, tugging my hair
this onesie’s heating up, i don’t care
peeling my eyes ‘til they water
better come soon cause i can’t hold out much longer

i bite my wrist
trying not to check what time it is
then
floor boards creak; a rustling blanket
the toilet flushes; i think i made it

mom and dad go to start the coffee
rush the master bedroom to unwrap the stockings
face off #2, my -rs-nal’s full
charging my dad with no punches to pull

he prepares to deliver and i launch the surprise
tell him sunset to sunrise, i never shut my eyes
i heard nothing all night, all rise
judge nathan presides

i won’t stand myths
no more can i have this unethical practice
you taught me the ninth commandment
now my one demand is explain how this happened
there’s evidence lacking

i want the truth from you, that’s it!
he tells me santa’s one sneaky bandit

i put my head in my hands
i think it’s time for a nap

- thrice a chuckle

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