december 25th, 1986 – van nuys.
that’s what people say at christmas, right?
except normally they have someone to say it to.
they have friends and family,
and they haven’t been crouched naked under a christmas tree
with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in van nuys.
they’re not out of their minds, they’re not writing in a diary,
and they’re definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon.
i didn’t speak to a single person today.
i thought why should i ruin their f-cking christmas.
i’ve started a new diary and this time i have a few new reasons.
one, i have no friends left.
two, so i can read back and remember what i did the day before.
and three, so if i die, at least i leave a nice little suicide note of my life.
it’s just me and you, diary. welcome to my f-cking life.
n-body would believe the sh-t that happens inside my head, it’s haunted.
now i’ve come down from the drugs
it seems like a sick play that i saw in a theater somewhere.
thirty minutes ago, i could’ve killed someone.
or better yet, myself.